these are the words i wish i'd said to you

hey guys

how are WE? are WE good? and if yes, are WE sure? alright enough with that, i want to talk about something interesting that a lot of us have to face sometimes and wonder whether we did the right thing or not...i wanna talk about holding back on things you should have said, or refraining from saying something you already let slip out..

so there's a lot of conflict as to what's worse, not knowing or knowing something you wished you didn't and i think that's a really tough decision to make because ultimately it depends on what we're dealing with here..for example during the summer i was in the process of looking for jobs and a lot of the places i applied to ignored me, so in that situation i hated not knowing but at the same time when someone ignores you, they're kind of giving you an answer indirectly and i think that's what makes not knowing straight-up so hard, it's like the other person is saying you're not even good enough, or you're not even worthy enough for a rejection..maybe that's a dramatic interpretation but idk its what i feel

then lets talk about this, when you do know the answer and it's not the answer you wanna hear, now how much does that suck! i feel like a lot of us have heard some harsh words and idk if i'm the only one but when i hear something hurtful, i feel a piercing pain in my heart and this lump in my throat, and sometimes i feel like i'm almost ready to cry..and sometimes i do cry, the reality is in a situation like this i'm not that strong because i dread rejection, if i was open about something from all of my heart and i get rejected...i take it to my heart as well because that's where it came from!

so which is worse? i explained both and frankly...i still don't know but to an extent not knowing hurts more because it's like even if you know something won't happen, that annoying, mocking hope lingers with you since you didn't receive a clear-cut no, and even though all the signs are there we sometimes need that harsh no regardless of how bad it will make us feel, it's that strong feeling of hurt that will constantly remind us not to go down that path again..yes, this makes sense doesn't it? anyway that's all i have to say for now...what are your views? let me know..and chances are no one will answer this but just think about it then..i'd love to know my thoughts have given you something to think about..until next time.

I witnessed something terrible today

Hey guys

How are we all? Before i begin i just want to express my love towards my iphone because i finally get to blog from my phone freely! Woohoo! Anyway moving on, i'm gonna get straight to the point..today i saw something racist/discriminating/disgusting and down right pathetic.

As you all know on weekends malls here get crowded, so i was caught in traffic at this one mall's parking and there must have been a problem between this kuwaiti guy and an indian driver so what the kuwaiti did was that he got out of his car and started shouting at the driver so loudly everyone freakin heard ok? He was loud and he was rude and he ended up spitting at the indian guy and that just did it for me, how the hell can someone be so arrogant and rude? When was it socially acceptable to behave this way to a non-kuwaiti?? I get that many of us have this belief that we're superior to people who arent kuwaiti and fine ok think whatever you want, but dont go around thinking you're some big shot who can shout and throw things and spit at others because of some superiority complex you clearly need help with, if you think you're better because of something given to you uncontrollably (gender/nationality/color etc) then get the hell out of my blog you're racist and i dont respect you, if you're against racism you ROCK! Until next time.

the truth behind expectations

hey guys
how are we all? good? good

now i wanna get straight to the point because this is gonna be one of those posts where i just totally express myself (but, aren't all my posts like that? hmm that's a good question) anyway, but no with this particular post it'll be sort of a general expression about something i have an opinion about rather than something specific..does that make sense? it actually sounds stupid when i try to explain it, my point is THIS POST IS UNIQUE, KAY? (i love you) alright! let's get straight to it.

i'm gonna talk about expectations, now if you read my tweets regularly you're gonna notice how i have this firm belief that expectations suck and that they always hurt and shit like that, and the reality is i do believe that but the problem is, i go on and i contradict myself almost on a daily basis you guys because even though i HATE expectations, i have them all the time, in the most unrealistic kind of way, see i expect people to go out of their way to see to it everything going in is A okay, i expect people to put in 110% effort into everything they do whether it was for me or for something else, i expect people to be basically good. and see that's the biggest mistake anyone can make because none of that is true, i'm not a total cynic you guys but seriously, how many times have your expectations been ACTUALLY met, as opposed to the times they haven't? seriously ask yourself

i won't get into too much details but recently i faced an extreme disappointment and i guess i'm still in the process of shaking it off, but the thing is, the pain from unmet expectations lingers because you have to face those people who disappointed you most times, and everytime you face them, the disappointment and hurt they caused you comes rushing back..and that's what makes it stay and hurt even more..

what makes it harder for me is that, unfortunately, i'm the kind of person who doesn't let things go, if you did something bad to me 2 years ago, chances are, i still remember, darling. and i won't resent you for it nor will i treat you badly, but it's like in my head there's this like little file for each person i've known and faced issues with, and in that file everything you did is stored, i don't want to scare anyone off or make them think i'm some angry witch, but the reality is we have to remember the way people did us wrong before so we don't allow them to do it again, because the first time they did it was because we didn't know better, but if we DID know better and we LET them run over us again, wouldn't that make us stupid?

think about that, because i know you lot aren't stupid, in fact your level of awesomeness is increasing by the SECOND! until next time.

my views on graduation

hey guys
i'm gonna be quick
how are you all?

anyway, i went to graduation yesterday at my university, and i'm gonna talk about how i felt more than the actual ceremony itself, but lets get the ceremony part out of the way, it was SPECTACULAR! now moving on..i was overwhelmed by the beauty of that event, i saw a lot of my friends graduate and my god was i in awe, it was such a beautiful feeling to witness such pure happiness on the faces of these wonderful people, and on the faces of their proud cheering parents, the sight of the parents was actually one of the most amazing things i've ever seen, they were so proud of their kids, i was so overwhelmed i actually started crying! we rarely witness beautiful events in our world today, we witness horrific images of death, injuries and pain, but yesterday, i witnessed something beautiful

to all my friends who graduated, if you're reading this, you are wonderful and you should be proud of yourself for your accomplishment and i admire and respect you fully on your achievement.

until next time

i don't fully understand love

hey guys
how are we all?

as you may all know today is my birthday, but that's not what i wanna talk about, so i'm gonna be talking about the thing mentioned in the title of this post because i really feel like i have an opinion about this that needs to be expressed

here goes:

so i'm not anti-love, i'm actually pro-love, and i think it's a beautiful emotion bas i honestly feel like i don't understand what it is sometimes...i formulated an opinion about it which goes like this:

love is a temporary infatuation that gradually turns into a force of habit

so you're probably thinking this is an extremely negative way to look at it but i really feel like it's not..how long can you love someone? (i'm talking about romantic love here) is it possible to love someone forever? that infatuation really does fade away and it's not because you're a bad person but because you're human, you seek what gives you that rush, you seek what overwhelms you with happiness and love does that in the first couple of weeks, maybe month, but how about a year later, 10 years later, can you honestly say you feel the same? and don't give me that crap about "my love for you has grown every day since the day i met you" ok no, love elevates and then it reaches its peak, and it goes down, and a new feeling begins to form, and it's that feeling and sense of routine, it is part of your routine to have that individual in your life so you keep them in your life, but that excitement, that infatuation, it's gone. idk maybe i'm bluffing at the end of the day, i haven't really met someone who can prove me wrong..but i think we all deserve to meet someone who can prove that wrong, it would truly be beautiful to have such an influential presence in your life and hey, if you do, i'm really happy for you..i'm a sucker for love i love romantic movies and i think happy couples are the cutest thing and i do believe in love, i just don't believe it stays strong throughout it all as most people would claim...

oh and happy birthday to me! hehe until next time

however far away

hey guys
so i wanna talk about distance
and the role it plays in our lives

alright lets गो ! in case you're wondering that's GO in hindi..i have a thing for writing in hindi i don't know why, i don't speak hindi though, i speak arabic and english mainly and i'm well acquainted with french, but don't expect me to go off in french at any day because you'll be disappointed. anyway back to my main topic which is distance i wrote the word distance in green because when someone is far away from us they're somewhere else on planet earth, and planet earth has land and seas, and land is in green colour..well not anymore but in some rare parts, it's still kind of green..anyway again i'm drifting off into things that don't make sense..well here's what i'm trying to say, we hear references towards the hardships of distance across songs, movies..tv shows, you name it.. and the thing about distance is that once you're a part of it, it's not really that hard, and i know that you can argue with me and say it is, but believe me i do know what i'm talking about, i guess it's because i'm so well-acquainted with it that it doesn't seem to affect me...when it does affect me is in that moment when i'm with someone who i'm usually distant from and then we have to say goodbye yet again...this is what makes distance hard..the repetition of goodbye..assuming you're staying in each other's lives.. now i'm talking about literal distance not emotional..that's a whole different story which i might probably blog about later but for now.. literal, physical distance .. that's hard because sometimes even though you're in the same country you don't see each other..i guess this is a really deep issue and not enough words can sum it up but how long can you really stay away from someone? i mean if you're dear to each other, you'll always come back..i know i'm drifting off again but i guess it's hard to stay focused when there are so many ideas going around my head about this but ok, here's my most basic fundamental view about physical distance, and this is author nourah talking, not blogger nourah..

"Don't you wish we were lovers without distance from each other?" this is one of my favourite lines from one of my favourite songs because it depicts a deep sense of belonging and a strong feeling of emptiness..and although physical distance is one thing and emotional distance is another, sometimes physical distance occurs when we have no choice..it is forced upon us by the cruel hands of fate and we must come to accept it otherwise we will spend all our days lurking behind shame and misery. I believe distance allows us to grow, not apart but closer, it is this distance that puts any relationship to test and shows how willing two individuals are to make their relationship (whether it was friendship, love, family) work. Although we frequently hear that long-distance relationships never work..but this is in the case of love. The thing about love is that it needs tendering and it needs attention...love in itself is similar to a demanding, needy lover. It requires constant care, and it feeds and grows off of the attention and focus given to it. Love exists within lovers and lovers exist within love, when you create a distance between 2 lovers, things get hard not because they don't love each other enough, but because their hunger isn't being fed, their need isn't being met, and this hunger and need all exists within love. Why is it easier for friends to stay friends regardless of distance? Friendships, deep friendships, are effortless most of the time, they occur naturally when you click with someone easily, all they need is that fun, casual daily conversation and that can be granted throughout the common technology we have today. But love, you cannot communicate the sweet touch of a hand through a text..or the deep romantic stare through a phone call, these things need to be seen, felt and purely experienced in order to fill that void we all have. Finally, these are my views towards distance..if you're a lover it probably won't work out unless you try really hard, and if you're friends, it should not affect you and I am not trying to belittle the value of friendship in any sense, but love..well it's a whole different story.

until next time.

the safest place

hey guys
how are we all today?
hope you're all doing WELL
so umm.. well today was pretty good..it was productive and i'm not looking forward to next week..i have 3 important tests so enshalla they'll pass by easily...oh and i have a test on thursday..not looking forward to that either..this is kind of a turning point, so everything will be clearer once next week is over..anyway this isn't what i wanna talk about.. i wanna discuss my birthday..now i do know i get some views on this so if you're reading this and you know me personally, then here's my request to you on friday 21 october (my birthday), you're entitled to wish anything you want from me, basically you can request anything you like and if it's not too extreme and if it's not inappropriate i'm up for it, most of the people that read this are from my twitter followers..so if you follow me on twitter you can just send me a tweet and you know, i'll get back to you, the reason i wanna do this is because i think it'll be fun, it'll be fun to see the kind of things people may ask from me and it'll be fun to be able to give something back...i mean there's this notion that we should make birthday wishes and that they should come true..(although most of the time they don't) but when i thought about it how do i expect my wishes to come true if i never granted anybody else's? now i'm not self-absorbed to the point where i believe some of you guys' wishes and happiness depend on me, but if there's anything i can do for you, not necessarily a wish, even if you wanted a favour, really, just ask and i'm up for it, it's important to give back, i believe it's a way of showing that you're thankful that you managed to get through another year..and to be honest this past year has been tough..i lost much more than i have gained..or at least that's what it feels like sometimes..but i won't get into that..anyway, thanks for reading this remember you're awesome and you are loved..until next time

i caught myself

hey guys
how are you all? good, good!
alright so..

trying a new format to this thing
how about bringing in some COLOUR! yes it works, oh wait, i should switch back to black. so anyway, this won't be a long post... i just wanna talk about something that i believe is important. and the fact that the word important will be in bold from now, should show you how important it really is and that i am not kidding lol no i am kidding about the kidding in bold...if you get that. anyway so yeh. i think we all have a lot of फीलिंग्स ..in case you're wondering what that last word was, it's "feelings" in Hindi..there's this feature in blogger that allows me to write in Hindi..i know you're thinking why the hell are you writing in Hindi? i was just trying it out, my god don't be so harsh! back to my main important point..so yeh we all have a lot of feelings and all our friends tell us we should say what we feel and shit and while that's true i don't believe we should say everything we feel, i believe there are things we need to keep to ourselves, so now you're probably thinking, ok so you're saying we shouldn't say what we feel yet you're on this blog saying how YOU feel, why are you such a hypocrite nourah? to answer your question first of all, NO i am not a hypocrite! and second, i don't post everything i feel on this blog believe it or not, there are things i do keep to myself because sometimes we need to control the words that come out of our mouths, we can't say everything and some of you may already know that, but here's the thing...sometimes you may think it's ok to say something but before you do, stop and think about the things that will come after, because those things may affect the relationship you have someone, take me for example, sometimes i hear things from people who i interact with all the time, and frankly they go on their lives thinking that what they said wasn't important and that i don't remember it but guess what? i do. i remember every little thing, every little situation that i went through with someone, especially the bad..not because i'm a pessimist, but because it is wise my friends, it is wise to remember what people have done to you in the past so you'll know how to handle their crap in the future..and you can quote me on that...assuming you read till the very end, which i hope you did because it's of utmost importance that you do, and yes importance is slightly different from important but whatever, tomato tomato, LOL see what i did there? anyway until next time!

take what i took and give it back to you

hey guys
i should be studying but i'm not, i'm here and i need to vent, i won't get too personal but my god, why do we ever let people have such an overwhelming effect on us? i'm strong and i try to stay this way but we all have moments of weakness but sometimes i just want things to go back the way they were and not have any of this change revolve around me, it's too much and it's happening too fast and i feel like when i get the chance to sit down and breathe...it hits me hard, and one more thing, i'm not unapproachable and i sure as hell don't bite, so if you have something to say please say it, i feel like i need support...i should stop talking. until next time

i'm tired of missing you

hey guys
ok the title of this is extremely controversial and you can think whatever you like but i'm gonna explain what i ACTUALLY mean and if you still wanna go off with your own mistaken thoughts, well there's nothing i can do about that..here goes..how often do people walk in and out of our lives..quite often in my case and it doesn't bother me, i think it's a natural process in life but sometimes it hurts more than it should, and even though you know someone no longer is a part of your life..missing them exhausts you everyday...i've been missing quite a few people actually and i feel like change is coming and we all know how i feel about that..i don't have much else to say but all i know is most things in life (not all) happen due to the choices we make, and it is these choices that determine what our future will be like, don't regret anything..sometimes doing the right thing hurts and sometimes it is impossible to forget the prints someone has left in your life...until next time.

so who are you

good morning, how are you all?
the title of this post is weird i know but you'll get it by the time you reach the end of this post, (assuming you'll read that far and not lose interest halfway) well here goes..its 9:52 am and i need to be out of here by 10:15ish, i'm gonna try to think of the right things to say fast, lately i've been having very little room to breathe and it feels like everything around me is changing and to be honest, change is one of those things that really frightens me, because you never know when it's going to hit you and how it's going to hit you...and now my mind has gone completely blank again..lately i've been facing a lot of disappointment and even though it's upsetting, it's a part of life because we constantly have to remind ourselves..and we constantly have to ask ourselves who we are from the beginning..who are you? who am i? who are we? what kind of people are we and how do we respond to this change or how do we respond to this unfortunate circumstance, ask yourself, know how you are, because it is you who will be solving every difficult encounter and in order to be able to do that, you need to know the kind of person you are, are you a person who avoids this kind of thing and responds by shaking it off? or are you a person who is headstrong and takes on new challenges? or are you a person who evaluates each situation differently and decides whether they're going to handle it or not? or finally, are you all of the above! it is impossible to think of a human being as one certain thing, we are a bundle of qualities and features and that is why we face issues and problems everyday...i don't know what else to say, i haven't blogged in a while and i hope this sums up what i wanted to say clearly, and i hope you understand the title of this post now..if you don't then you're probably a lost cause, you can read about my views on lost causes in my older post :p hehe kidding, if you're reading this then you're awesome! until next time.

so it's been a while!

hey guys
how are you all?
i know i didn't blog in a while but i don't think i've been missed b9ara7a. yala anyway. i've barely had enough time to come in and sit on my computer let alone blog and the reason behind that is that i have a lot on my plate right now, which is just the way i like it. my birthday is still closer than ever and i'm looking forward to it because it's my favourite day of the year! and i respect people who remember it's my birthday and wish me a happy birthday, it's sort of a reminder of who cared enough to remember and who didn't, you know? hmm what else..ok i'm in this weird zone right now where i'm confused about some things and idk if i'm doing the right things or not, i hope i am..i don't wanna get caught up in a mess...hmm what else? wow i'm actually out of things to say, i'm talking less isn't that weird? i'm usually chatty. anyway i have to go now. until next time