these are the words i wish i'd said to you

hey guys

how are WE? are WE good? and if yes, are WE sure? alright enough with that, i want to talk about something interesting that a lot of us have to face sometimes and wonder whether we did the right thing or not...i wanna talk about holding back on things you should have said, or refraining from saying something you already let slip out..

so there's a lot of conflict as to what's worse, not knowing or knowing something you wished you didn't and i think that's a really tough decision to make because ultimately it depends on what we're dealing with here..for example during the summer i was in the process of looking for jobs and a lot of the places i applied to ignored me, so in that situation i hated not knowing but at the same time when someone ignores you, they're kind of giving you an answer indirectly and i think that's what makes not knowing straight-up so hard, it's like the other person is saying you're not even good enough, or you're not even worthy enough for a rejection..maybe that's a dramatic interpretation but idk its what i feel

then lets talk about this, when you do know the answer and it's not the answer you wanna hear, now how much does that suck! i feel like a lot of us have heard some harsh words and idk if i'm the only one but when i hear something hurtful, i feel a piercing pain in my heart and this lump in my throat, and sometimes i feel like i'm almost ready to cry..and sometimes i do cry, the reality is in a situation like this i'm not that strong because i dread rejection, if i was open about something from all of my heart and i get rejected...i take it to my heart as well because that's where it came from!

so which is worse? i explained both and frankly...i still don't know but to an extent not knowing hurts more because it's like even if you know something won't happen, that annoying, mocking hope lingers with you since you didn't receive a clear-cut no, and even though all the signs are there we sometimes need that harsh no regardless of how bad it will make us feel, it's that strong feeling of hurt that will constantly remind us not to go down that path again..yes, this makes sense doesn't it? anyway that's all i have to say for now...what are your views? let me know..and chances are no one will answer this but just think about it then..i'd love to know my thoughts have given you something to think about..until next time.