so i constantly think

hey guys
so doesn't it bug you when all you can do is sit around and think about the same things, same people, same mistakes...idk i'm just one of those people who lingers on every thought out there and that's really a problem for me because sometimes i can't sleep because of it, and sometimes my feelings are affected by my on-going thoughts that are created by some of my deluded feelings, i basically upset myself over nothing sometimes, and it's not because i choose to it's just how i function. right now i'm thinking about the changes that my life is gonna undergo in this period, i'm gonna announce some big news later on but fundamentally my life is in a huge transition phase right now and that won't stop, i'm not afraid of change but i do worry about my response to it, i can never predict if i'll be able to handle something gracefully, or handle it like a complete mess. also i keep thinking about my future and the things i want. i'm the kind of girl who sees herself as a headstrong individual with a passion to work and grow, and i convinced myself that that's all i need, which was ok for a while until i realised i was in a huge state of denial. i don't wanna be fulfilled academically and professionally only, i want to be fulfilled emotionally too, i want to experience something deep, i want a real genuine connection with everyone around me and no amount of work or success can negate that. i guess i worry because whenever you bring people in any equation, it'll always have an element of hurt or disappointment in it and i handle these things in a tough way, i don't know, i'm stronger than i used to be but deep down i'm just a big softie. something else worries me, to some this is the greatest thing ever but to me it's terribly frightening, i cannot possibly predict anything about my future, and obviously i'm no psychic but i would like some kind of hint of where i'm going to be and what my plans are, i like making plans, but it feels like after college i'll just sit around and play with these never-ending ideas in my head, and depending on which one i choose, i'm giving up another potentially life-changing possibility. man i need to stop thinking about these things..i need to but i doubt i will, anyway i rambled on enough for now. until next time